My nephew - My first love - My heart

Six weeks ago today my heart broke into a million tiny little pieces, and I'm slowly attempting to pick them back up and put it back together.  It feels like when you have those tiny Styrofoam balls that you try to pick up but they keep getting stuck on something else and you can't quite get them where you want them. I'm quite certain it will never be whole again.  My 17-year-old nephew passed away in a car accident.  It still doesn't quite seem real and I wish every day that he was here.  Even after traveling home and staying for 4 weeks to assist my sister while she started the healing process.  This is by far the most shocking, unbelievable, and hurtful event in my adult life, and I'm just now becoming comfortable talking about it.

Trevor was my first love.  I'm not sure how to explain it, but the day he was born my life changed.  He is my first nephew, and when I became an aunt at the age of 13, I wanted to be the best aunt possible and make his life amazing.  I saved my money every year to make sure I could give him a birthday and Christmas gift to make him happy.  I watched him grow from a baby to a fun toddler to a smart little grade school kid to a lively teenager with his own style and opinions.  I spent countless holidays, vacations, and summers with him.  I am so blessed to have witnessed potty training (even wiping his butt), learning how to spell his name, his first bike ride without training wheels, hole in ones at mini golf, and teenage girl troubles.  My heart still hurts to think about all of the things I imagined doing with him and seeing him accomplish.  

I still have the drawing in this picture

Learning how to ride a bike - one of my favorite days 

He was so musically gifted that he could play any tune on just about every instrument just by hearing it.  He was the best nephew:  sweet, funny, goofy, thankful, protective, smart, talented, caring, responsible and polite.  He was the type of son I hope to have one day.  The one that hugs you so tightly when you see him, or yells your name when he sees you across the room via Skype, holds open every door for you, and carries your luggage from the car to your room without being asked.  

The prettiest blue eyes - I remember tickling him right before this picture

The first time I realized he was taller than me

So much taller

Things that make me happy are his smile, that Sam deployed which made me visit home more giving me quality one-on-one time with him, that he saw the beautiful island of Hawaii and learned how to surf, that he became a lifeguard, that God made it snow in Georgia this winter for him to play in with his siblings, and that he was able to spend his birthday and Christmas surrounded by his family.

Surf lessons

Life is so unpredictable and I know God has a plan, but this plan is so difficult to understand.  The only thing that makes any kind of sense to me is that you were too unbelievably talented for this world and he needed you with him instead.  

That smile

Always stylin' and helping me stay up with the trends

I'll never forget you Trevor, and will think of you every SINGLE day.  Every time I hear a saxophone in a song I'll think of you playing it for me, hear Skrillex or Daft Punk I'll imagine you moving your head to the music, walk into an Express store I'll think of what you would have picked out, wear pink I'll remember your confidence, eat Taco Bell I'll think of you ordering the whole menu, see Beats headphones I'll think of you wearing them everywhere, put on my Sperry's I'll remember you helping me pick them out, or see your mother I'll see you because of how much she resembles you. 

And don't worry, I'll make sure to tell the world about you.  Especially your younger brothers and sisters and any little ones that I may have one day that they have the greatest brother and cousin watching over them.  

Until I see you again my sweet, sweet first nephew.

Ghost of Halloween past

Over time I've realized that Sam and I definitely have opposite theories on celebrating birthdays.  The minute it hits August 1st I spend the whole month talking about my birthday, and the whole week of my birthday is a "whatever Michelle wants she gets" kind of week.  Sam even magically comes up with new friends to celebrate my birthday after just PCS-ing to a new place (he's such a keeper).  He on the other hand shares his birthday with tons of ghost and goblins and never really make a big hoopla about it being his b-day.  I guess someone always ends up throwing him an epic party in the end, so maybe it's part of his master plan.  I have to say that if I could pick any holiday to have my birthday it would be Halloween, so I'm glad I lucked out and married into such a great birthday.  We've had soooo much fun celebrating over the years!!!! 
2007- You beat Hank Aaron's home run record, and I was "the fasted woman in the world" - steroids work wonder, eh? 

2008 - The government bailed both of us out.

2009 - You were playing Army even though it coincided with getting your results for passing the bar exam (lame).  But you allowed this awesomeness to happen, so I forgive you!  You would have made one heck of a Billy Ray!

2010 -  You had an addiction.  I chased you around Florida C-bus with your golf club.  

2011 - I sold my football regalia for some awesome tattoos. You paid the price and started standing on street corners looking for work.

2012  - You wore camo and went to a hot place covered in sand.  I decided not to go out this year because sand and my hair don't get along, duh.

2013 - You have a man-crush on Burt Reynolds and constantly give away that you're a secret agent.  I have freakishly large hands and shoot you in the foot for being an idiot.  You go around saying things like this:  "Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide" ** "Hey Cyril. Cyril. CYRIL! I'm saving Lana, as usual!"  ** "How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone?" ** "Lana. Lana. Lana? LANA! Danger zone."  I say things like:  "Did you say man-crush"** "Yes, I AM putting you in the corner" ** "Nooope!" ** "Yuppp!" **

This guy has definitely exceeded his goal of LIVING his 20's, and I'm glad I was around for the better part of it!  I can't wait to see what your thirties bring.  Our costumes can only get better, right? I love, Love, LOVE you!!!!! 

Happy Birthday, hubs!!!!!!!!

Buckeyes in Wiesbaden?

Okay, the order is supposed to be the good... the bad...the ugly, but I'm using the down-side... the up-side...the flip-side.  Down-side is going first because then we can focus on the good and put all the bad in the past.  

The down-side:

• I'm sad to announce that we did not get off-post housing.  After filing three exception to the policy memos and three months, the battle is over .  We Sam gave it a good fight, and if this is the worst thing we have going for us then I'd say we have it pretty good. I've been dreading posting the news on here because it makes it that much more real.  Tear.

• All of our clothing is wrinkled and smells like it's been in storage.  Can you put a claim in for wrinkled suits?

The up-side:

• Our unaccompanied baggage is here!!!!  This means I have more than one long sleeve sweater to choose from, I can wear boots in the chilly fall weather, and we have our dishes!!!!  I didn't know how much I missed them until I had them all laid out in front of me!  

I felt like this after putting all of our clothes and dishes away.  Not sure how I'll feel next week when our HHG arrive...

• This tiny apartment living will give me some crafting and decor inspiration.  For example, getting rid of the horrid "boob" apartment lighting.  Yikes!  Now if only there was a Hobby Lobby within 5 mins of our house like in good-ol' Clarksvegas.  Who knew I'd become so dependent on that place!

• I found a place to get my hair done!  Our sponsor rocks and recommended Gold Rausch in Wiesbaden (ask for Nicole Quabo)!  She did a great job considering she didn't know the time commitment blow drying and flat ironing my hair would take.  Picture this:  All the German clients staring as two girls tackle flat-ironing my hair.  I love the cut!  What do you think?

• AFN has been restored!  We're back on track to watch our favorite shows and random movies.  They even played all of the shows we missed the previous week on a loop.  Score!  I wish they would do this more often for all of the shows I miss during the week.  This could be AFN's attempt at DVR.

• We did the REAL Oktoberfest in Munich!  Be on the look out for a blog post.  You do not want to miss pictures of Sam in his lederhosen!

The flip-side: You: What does flip-side even mean in this context?  I'm going for the really exciting news here...just go with it!  I found some real Buckeyes in Wiesbaden!!!!  No, not OSU fans.  Real. Buckeye. Nuts.  This must be good luck, right?

Okay, they are red instead of dark brown, but I'm looking for the silver lining.  On a side note if you haven't seen the movie Silver Linings Playbook go rent it now. It's one of the best movies we've seen in a while!  Back to Buckeyes.  I know what you're thinking:  Michelle those are chestnuts.  Okay, I did a lot of internet research googling ("Are there red Buckeyes" Buckeye trees in Germany" "Buckeyes vs chestnuts")  to ensure these are in fact Buckeyes...or at least a relative. Based on the tree leaves, burrs, edibleness (not edible), and shape of the nut I've deduced these are in fact red horse chestnuts.  Check out more info here.  Fun fact:  In Germany they were used to mark storage cellars for beer because the shade they created kept the beer cool.  AND hybrids were created using the American Buckeye tree.  So, for the sake of my happiness, we will call these German Buckeyes (are you getting annoyed that I'm capitalizing Buckeye?  "fear the nut!").  OH - IO!

Our German Buckeyes (I may or may not have solicited the neighbor's little girl for help)!

   Real Buckeyes

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Row, row, row your boat...

This week we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary in Wiesbaden.  It was nice and quiet, some might say the place we found was "quaint."  This past year wasn't my ideal second year of marriage, since we only spent 3 months of it together, but it helped us grow and realize to enjoy every moment together. We're excited to spend this next year together and are determined to live it up with no regrets!


We found the same type of wine we were gifted on our wedding night (check out the year).  Can't get more special than that!

Baby ducks! Sam sulplemented their diet with leftover strawberry tops.

We tried out a mexican restaurant in Wiesbaden because, let's be real, I've been going through withdrawals.  We were a little disappointed to find that the cheese dip was tostitos, but check out my picture-taking skills...blurred background; I must have accidentally picked this up from our friends this weekend or maybe it was my 3rd glass of wine? I'll let you decide.

We decided to keep with last years tradition and take a family pic at the end of the night. Here's a tiny peek at our current living arrangement that I refuse to call permanent (disregard the stylin temporary furniture).